Good God, will no one else post around here? What is up with my fellow Emily-substitutes? Am I the only one who will have to carry the load in the lovely Ms. Jones's absence? This is appalling.
Fine, as long as I am here, check out this fine tribute to outgoing House Majority Leader Dick Armey. It's rare when we have people of his intellect and commitment to freedom ensconced in power, and rarer still that such people would be willing to give power up when they can have it for the foreseeable future, and when more power (i.e. the Speakership) awaits. Would that more politicians were this selfless and self-effacing.
As I sought to be at least somewhat humorous in my virginal post on Give War A Chance, and since I want the laughs to keep on comin' I give you this splendid case study, which thoroughly and completely annihilates the theoretical and intellectual foundations of Marxism.
Of course, whilst you laugh, bear in mind that there is a great deal of truth in the humor.
Since I want to be able to keep my genitalia for the foreseeable future, and since no one else has yet stepped up to break the silence, allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Pejman Yousefzadeh. I am a Gemini. I enjoy good books, interesting chess games, long moonlit walks by the beach, and soft, slow, deep and wet kisses . . .
Oh yeah, I also work on this when I am not being a lawyer.
(And yes, the gratuitous link was entirely necessary. Thank you for asking.)
On a somewhat more serious note, I want to say what a pleasure it is for me to be able to post to Give War A Chance. You see, when PejmanPundit was but a wee wittle blog, I sent out a mass (and some would say "desperate") e-mail to get myself noticed by the big time bloggers to whom I looked up. One of those big time bloggers, was the lovely Ms. Jones, at whose altar I have worshipped since I was introduced to her blog. And she was one of the few who favored me with a reply, and who even took the extraordinary (and quite unprecedented) step of telling me that I was "thoughtful." Needless to say, I swooned with delight and rapture.
Compliments about my hot body came later. But I digress . . .
Anyway, having met Emily in person (we both live in the southern California area), I can tell you that she is even more delightful and fun in person than she is on her blog (if that could be considered possible). She's whip smart, possesses vast amounts of knowledge on a whole host of issues, has a great sense of humor, regularly displays impeccable taste, taught me how to make a pizza from scratch, and can drink virtually anyone under the table. Beer is her mother's milk. The woman is amazing.
So when this Blogospheric Goddess told me that for the next week or so, I would have to serve as one of the High Priests at her temple, instead of merely genuflecting in it, I was speechless at the honor.
Of course, nothing and no one replaces the lovely Ms. Jones, so I know that both I, and the gentle readers who frequent this site, are anxiously awaiting her return. Then we will be able to hear more informed and erudite commentary about the nefarious Gerry Adams, the notorious IRA, and other such Olympian commentary as Ms. Jones will see fit to favor us with. I know I look forward to that.
Emily luv, we're gonna miss you while you are away. Take care, be well, and come back soon.
After all, I can't keep back the horde forever, you know.
I’m going away for a week or so. A few of the boys have agreed to step in and post in my absence, so there will still be stuff going on here. Unless, of course, they are lying, unreliable bastards, in which case I will have to remove their genitals with a rusty knife.
See y’all later.
UPDATE: I'll leave you with a quote:
"Religion is the opiate of the masses," said Marx. Well, Marxism is the opiate of fucking morons. -Damian Penny.
Long time readers (both of you) might remember a while back, shortly after I started this blog thing, I declared a certain tacky-ass bastard journalist an unmentionable on this page. I've stuck to my promise so far, but I never promised not to link to someone else who goes to town on him. Good job, Dawn. Keep giving him hell.
A 14-year-old boy has admitted 22 charges relating to rioting in the Ardoyne area of north Belfast after he was filmed on CCTV cameras.
This reads a bit like “Marlon Brando admits to starring in ‘The Godfather’ after release of DVD”. The "evil twin" defense just doesn't work in communities that small, so it's not like he had much of a choice. Either way, the kid’s been busted by Big Brother. Punk. I hope your mother spanks you. Hard.
The west's warlords will get their invasion, because in spite of global opinion
It really amazes me that noone has taken the time to consider the casualties that will result from Gulf War II. I am the only person to whom it has occurred that people will die in this war? People of all shapes and sizes and nationalities, not to mention Children and even kittens! I mean, kittens for goodness' sake!
The lasting damage will be a front to democracy itself. I know this is lunacy, but I'm trying to set the world record for mentioning the word "democracy" the most in one single column, so please bear with me. I know that democracy has nothing to do with this issue, but believe me, there is democracy in Iraq. A friend of mine who'd recently moved from Havana to Baghdad told me about all of the "Vote Saddam or Else" posters he saw posted up during the last election which, unlike George W. Bush Saddam won by popular mandate.
Yet it is this bowdlerised variety of ...well, it's just occurred to me that I have no idea what "bowdlerised" means, and chances are, neither do you, but doesn't it make me sound smart? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah...we're on the brink of something bad. The war's protaganist will fight the good fight, fall in love with a nurse, and die a symbolic death. Wait, I think that was "The English Patient". Or was it "From Here To Eternity"? Either way, this business about moral and constitutional force sucks.
All this talk about reaching out and global understanding really just rubbish. Everybody who is not possessed by paranoia and fear knows that the last place to look for foreign "terrorists" is in foreign countries.
Conflating (another big word! Aren't you impressed?) patriotism, it's very clear that both Bush and Blair, and now, sadly even our former allies at the UN, are pressed to forward their policy of shooting anyone who dares to question their moral pursuit. This is both a trap and a trick, and though it's irrational, it is also predestined.
So, Guardian readers, you might ask yourself how this came to be. Well, it was three prongs that set it off - actually, four, starting with Bush stealing the election in 2000. First, "selected" President Bush called North Korea, Iran, and Iraq "evil", then the American people exhibited their already famous stupidity and voted our beloved Democrats out, and then the Bush administration preyed on the fears of Americans in their post-September 11 shell shock. The result? I don't know, but it gives me another chance to write the word "democracy". Somehow, democracy has been failed here. Despite the fact that every time it has been put to vote war with Iraq has won popular mandate, clearly this is because people who disagree are in fear for their lives.
The die is cast, and the warlords will pillage the planet until every last child and kitten is dead. Conditioning and coercing an unaware public - "the great unwashed", as they say - into believing that the war on "terror" is in their name. Don't be surprised when we win.
So, how many wild assumptions, factual errors and subtle conspiracy theories can you fit into one column? George Monbiot volunteers. I stopped counting around forty, so you'll have to pick through the whole thing if you really need a number.
In Britain and the US, the opposition parties are beginning to discover that there simply isn't room for both them and their rivals on the narrow political platforms they have chosen to contest. Without enough space to shift their feet, they are being pushed ever closer to the edge of oblivion.
Bullshit, George. In the state of California alone, third party candidates together won ten percent of the statewide vote. That could be because the two major party candidates sucked ass, but it's far from oblivion for parties that are touting tree hugging and abolishing the state.
...the Democrats' refusal to step off the pinhead and find another platform is, at first sight, mysterious. It is plainly not a response to the demands of the electorate: indeed, they seem to be wildly out of touch with some of its main concerns.
THAT'S WHY WE BOOTED THEM OUT OF OFFICE. DUH.
The tens of millions of US voters opposed to a war with Iraq were, until he died in a mysterious plane crash two weeks ago, represented by just one senator, Paul Wellstone.
Tens of millions! Where'd you get that number from? Paul Wellstone was the only senator opposed to war with Iraq? Huh? And notice how he had to describe the plane crash as "mysterious"? I suppose the implication is that Bush had him killed in order to clear the way for his devious plans. I mean, after all, he killed three thousand people in the WTC attack, what's one little senator and his family and some aides?
A survey in July suggested that 76% of American voters would like to see corporations forced to reduce their carbon dioxide emissions, while another poll, in June, found that 67% of the electorate believed that energy conservation, fuel efficiency and the development of solar technology were the best means of solving the impending US energy crisis.
While another survey found that 100% of Americans were not willing to give up their automobiles to reduce carbon dioxide emissions. What's with this "blame the corporations for all polution and evil" attitude, anyway? Most of them have nothing to do with energy production or carbon dioxide emissions.
It is true that Bush was assisted by the voters' tendency, when faced with an external threat, to cling to their government. But the Democrats, as even they now acknowledge, are largely to blame for their own destruction in last week's mid-term elections. As party strategist James Carville lamented, "we've got to just stand for something. No one made the case."
Does anybody else remember that line from "Spinal Tap" where Marti DiBergi was asking their manager about the dwindling size of their audience, and Ian says "It's not that their popularity is declining. It's that their appeal is becoming more selective." That's what the Democrats are thinking. Right now.
Faced with a choice between two ugly parties, the electorate, quite rationally, stayed at home.
NO NOT QUITE RATIONALLY AND THE NEXT PERSON WHO SUGGESTS THAT NOT VOTING IS THE ANSWER TO NOT LIKING SOMETHING THAT IS GOING ON IN GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO BE CHOKED UNTIL THEY TURN BLUE. Sorry.
Yet young people, as the crowds gathering in Florence last week reminded us, are perhaps more politically active today than they have ever been. It's just that very few mainstream political parties, anywhere on earth, are appealing to them.
That, and they're naive twats.
Campaign finance and the power of the media are more plausible explanations. The big money and the big media conglomerates are always much further to the right than the people, for the simple reason that what is good for billionaires and corporations tends to be bad for everyone else.
Yeah, like all those Hollywood conglomerates? They are sooooo right wing. When a "big corporation" gives a million dollars to the Republican party, it's bad. When Barabara Streisand and her Hollywood pals give twice that, it's "political activism". I'm sorry, George, you mentioned the People. In my book, that's automatic forfeiture.
The Green party, led by Ralph Nader, is widely reviled by liberals in the US for "handing the presidency to Bush". The 2.7% it won in the presidential election is said to have deprived the Democrats of power. Nader, as a result, is now held responsible for everything from the bombing of Afghanistan to the logging of old-growth forest. But his critics are wrong, on two counts.
Dude, whose ass are you pulling this crap out of? Does anybody remember anyone at any time saying Ralph Nader was to blame for any of that? This man is just making stuff up. It's pissing me off.
Oh yeah, and there was, of course, the obligatory "Bush didn't win the election" reference. Leave it to the Wanker to misread everything.
Adams, in Toronto as part of a five-day North American visit to drum up support for the peace process in Northern Ireland, said he's sure Canadians would be outraged if another government took over the country's political institutions.
Well, yeah, sure they would be. But Britain suspending Stormont is not the same thing since IT'S THE SAME COUNTRY, STUPID. It's like the U.S. government declaring marshal martial law in Connecticut after a state-wide riot breaks out (fat chance on that, but still in theory...). This is wholly different from, say, the U.S. taking over Canada, though by Gerry's logic this would be acceptable, since we're one continuous landmass, and therefore entitled to ownership regardless of what the people who live there may want.
"Imagine if someone came in from outside and said, `We want to give you some breathing space. We're going to suspend your (political) institutions,'" Adams said at a news conference. "It doesn't work like that."
Imagine someone coming in from the outside and saying "please give money to my Marxist political party and I promise I won't blow any cop cars up". It does work like that, Gerry. It DID work like that.
Britain suspended the powers of Northern Ireland's Catholic-Protestant administration on Oct. 14 after the major Protestant party, the Ulster Unionists, threatened to resign.
And not because of anything that Sinn Fein did. What a load of crap. I hope the author remembered their bib.
Let there be no misunderstanding on this point: This anti-American, pro-terrorist organization raises enough money here in the United States to make it the best-funded political party in the Irish republic. But it is money that will be paid for in blood somewhere in the world.