BYE BYE BLOGGER!




Friday, December 27, 2002

Hey! Now we can all play "On the Blanket"!

Clarification: I originally came across the link above while looking for a reliable source as reference to someone who sent me an “I don’t get it” e-mail after the Francis Hughes post below. If you’re not sure what “on the blanket” means, might I suggest you read this first. It’s much funnier if you do.




News from our much more civilized and significantly less bloodthirsty cousins across the Atlantic:

Firearms amnesty to tackle surge in gun crime

New figures to be published by the Home Office in January will show a record number of crimes involving firearms. Guns are being used to carry out revenge shootings between rival gangsters and drug dealers, for robberies, muggings, and even as fashion accessories among young men out to impress.

You'll note that guns aren't being used for little things like "self-defense" or "protection of person or property". But at least Britain has proved once and for all that gun control works.





Thursday, December 26, 2002

‘Accusers should come forward’ - McGuinness

Martin McGuiness has said that if the British agent identified to the Bloody Sunday Inquiry as Infliction really exists then he or she should come forward and make the allegations in public.

Says Martin: “Obviously I would be happier if I could confront and see my accuser. But I'd be simply overjoyed if I could have him killed."*

*He never said that out loud.




A recent survey by the BBC inviting people to vote for their favorite songs of the world has ended, with “Those Poof-pie Brits Are So Bloody Mean To Us” by the Gulf Drones emerging as victor. This has prompted the editor of a forerunning and reliable news publication to raise charges of election fixing in the way of multiple votes from individuals.

“That’s complete horseshit”, a spokesperson for the BBC commented. “Even if there were cases of receiving 30 telephone calls from one household, that still puts the results at one vote per family member. Besides, the dead were only allowed to vote once.”

Live via satellite feed from Hell, Francis Hughes remarked “this is a great day for Ireland. Maybe now I can finally eat something. Tiocfaidh Ar La!” When asked how he’s found his accommodations over the last two decades, Mr. Hughes replied “other than the terribly hot weather, things aren’t that much different here than in Bellaghy or Belfast, except that nobody seems to mind when we smear our crap all over the place.”

(Link courtesy of Slugger, with apologies to Terry McMenamin.)





Tuesday, December 24, 2002

Blogging will resume after the holiday. Family get together to exchange presents: tonight at 2000 hrs. Number of presents I’ve bought: 0.

I’ve got work to do.

Merry Christmas for those of you who celebrate it. Happy Wednesday for those of you who don’t.





Monday, December 23, 2002

Sing, Michael, sing-on the route of the 19 Bus
Hear them sayin'
How you get a rude and a reckless?
Don't you be so crude and a feckless
You been drinking brew for breakfast
Rudie can't fail

So we reply
I know that my life make you nervous
But I tell you that I can't live in service
Like the doctor who was born for a purpose***
Rudie can't fail

I WENT TO THE MARKET TO REALISE MY SOUL
'CAUSE WHAT I NEED I JUST DON'T HAVE
FIRST THEY CURSE, THEN THEY PRESS ME TILL I HURT
WE SAY RUDIE CAN'T FAIL

We hear them sayin'
Now first you must cure your temper
Then you find a job in the paper
You need someone for a saviour
Oh, Rudie can't fail

We reply
Now we get a rude and a reckless
We been seen lookin' cool an' a speckless
We been drinking brew for breakfast
So Rudie can't fail

Okay!
So where you wanna go today?
Hey boss man!
You're looking pretty smart
In your chicken skin suit

You think you're pretty hot
In your pork pie hat
But...Rudie can't fail Look out, look out...
Sky juice!...10 cents a bottle!