Friday, August 09, 2002

“So,” says the raisin to the watermelon, “I dare you to try and squish me”.

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

Call him what you will - maverick, hero, desert recluse, mercurial, state terrorist - Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi is a survivor.

Okay, I’ll nibble on that one and call him what I will: asshole. Dickhead. Fucktard. Murderer. The “survivor” part is just bad luck.

The British line is that it is better to engage Libya in the fight against al-Qaeda and international terrorism than to go on isolating it.

Ah. That must be their way of saying “thanks” for all those weapons the Colonel gave to the IRA back in the 80’s.

Just what help he can give is not all clear, though. British Foreign Office officials murmur about "intelligence".

I think it’s pretty clear what he can give. See above.

They also say that Libya has agreed to sign an international protocol on chemical weapons which would enable inspections to take place of Libyan installations suspected of developing the means to make them.

Goody, goody gum drops. In that case, I take it back. Gaddafi’s a nice guy.

He has managed his rehabilitation because, following the Lockerbie bomb, the United States and Britain chose the route of international justice not military revenge.

Which is exactly why “international justice” sucks. So does Gaddafi. Die already, you filthy, twisted despot.

Gerry also says "What is required is that the British Government faces up to the reality that political and violent rejectionism is the real threat to the political institutions and the entire process."

That's really fucking rich, coming from you, Gerry-boy. Good call.

"The British Government is also very aware of this. It is a matter of public record that the loyalist groups are heavily infiltrated by British agents and I for one refuse to believe that the Special Branch and other agencies were not aware in advance of the loyalist gun attacks on the evening Gerard Lawlor was killed.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off for my daily dose of LSD. Thanks for listening."*

-Gerry Adams

*except that part.

It's another installment of "Dude, Where's My Railyway?"! You know, for a disgraced liar, that Stephen Byers fellow sure does manage to score a lot..

The post that was once here is now gone, because it was a bummer, and we'll have none of that around here. For those of you who sent your well wishes, thanks, and once I win the lottery and am a grossly rich girl, I promise to share with ya.

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

Public Service Announcement for the Benefit of the Deficiently Stupid

Now, I don't care if you never took chemistry; I never did either. But it seems that I have been under the erroneous assumption that every grown human being on Earth understood that oxygen was highly flammable. They do not. These people are dangerous to themselves and others, and one of them very nearly killed me almost an hour ago down in the warehouse below the office where I work. Yes, oxygen is the stuff of life; it can also be the stuff of horrible freakin' death. Remember the ValuJet plane that went down in 1996: oxygen did that. It didn't kill those people; the fire that started when the heat from the tires in the wheel shaft reacted with actuated oxygen generators did, along with the alligators in the Ozarks. But oxygen provoked it.

If some idiot inadvertently blows himself up because he was absent that day in 3rd grade science class, well bury him with a Darwin Award. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let the fuckstick take me with him.

Correction: Everglades, not Ozarks. Sorry.

Monday, August 05, 2002

On a never ending quest to offend, kindly take a moment to check out the new logo over at Dodgeblog. They worked really hard on it, so try and be as outraged as possible.

So I did a little search for The Green Anarchy Tour website. They've got the following:

Due to the threat of state harassment, intimidation, and repression, exact locations will not be listed. Please be resourceful and look for flyers or spread the info by word of mouth.

Gee, what kind of a world are we living in when people can't go around saying they want to destroy life as we know it without being hassled by the Man?

Participants in the 2002 Green Anarchy Tour vow to "destroy civilization on stolen lands," and with a secret calendar of dates and locations, they could be headed next to a town near you.

My gun is loaded.

"Our world is being destroyed both economically and socially by capitalism, we’re being coaxed along in this march off the cliff. Ecological destruction being caused by transnational corporations, causing chaos," is among the concerns described by one local promoter of the tour who asked that his name and city not be identified.

Oh, I see. So your solution is to...destroy civilization? That'll put an end to chaos. Yeah, life was good when we were dragging our knuckles in loin cloths and foraging for fire. At least the one-spotted snail darter wasn't in danger of extinction.

"There are people who are really concerned about where this planet is going," he said. "This tour is to raise awareness about that."

Here's a tip where it's going, cow-doo hoochie head: ever study the life cycle of a star, i.e. the sun? Guess what? Some day it's going to go *POW!*, and the whole planet is going to go, well, all over the fucking galaxy. So why not have fun, and a couple of martinis while we're here? No, scratch that. I want one of those drinks that you put the little umbrellas in, just to make extra sure that I waste as much natural resources as I can.

In fact, according to the tour's Web site, "The Green Anarchy Tour is an attempt to bridge the gap between the punk movement, the revolutionary anarchist movement, the ecological movement, and the prisoners of war that have been incarcerated for their involvement in the struggles listed above."

Punk was so much more fun when it was about puke, loud, three-chord music, and slagging off to authority. Then it had to go and get this half-baked conscience, and instead of hating your parents and teachers, this new batch is trying to get them to give money to Greenpeace and Amnesty International. A lot changes in fifteen years. Sigh.

But the "political prisoners" in need of help listed on the site include Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, 60, who is currently serving time for the murder of three people and the injury of 23 others during a 17-year mail-bomb spree engineered to protest modern technology. Kaczynski was arrested and convicted in 1996.

Ah-huh. Unabomber = hero. So let me see, if I were arrested after killing one of this mindless twits out of objection to their ideas, would I be a political prisoner, too?

UPDATE: Gato's got some things to say about this, too.

Barring an unlikely last-minute reprieve, the country's oldest and much-imitated cargo theft team will cease to exist today, leaving what experts warn will be a gaping security hole at the two local ports and eliminating a front-line defense against terrorists.

Thanks for letting us know.

Osama bin Laden and Henry Hill.